It's 2004, and what better way to continue with this proud year than by responding to some of your Letters To The Editor from the last couple of months. Or year in some cases...
Don't forget, we keep every edition of Letters to the Editor online. For some unknown reason.
Date: 19 January 2003
My daughter saw your interview with Mr Hewitt the other night saying he was doing audiotions for a play he was creating. Please can you give me the audition detail as she failed to get the information.
Easy answer this one. No. For starters I've never interviewed the deputy headmaster at my old high school, and I didn't even know he was theatrical.
Date: 12 March 2003
Who had the catchphrase"slither....spook"and what programme did he appear on? He was dressed in a black suit with question marks on it like the Riddler. Please help, it's driving me mad.
Well I hope you're enjoying the loony bin. I believe it's rather nice this time of year. Send my love to matron.
Date: 25 June 2003
I want to set up a radio station and doing radio adverts would be great, but I still don't know all the details. Where can I go to get these or how do I get these details?
Well it's obvious isn't it? Simply email your question to a random website - they'll compile your business plan, approach the radio regulators for you, even hire the DJs! Go on, give it a try today!
Date: 27 June 2003
Do you know of anywhere that I can buy the Newcastle United FA cup Final victory? If so please reply
Well bribery is illegal, but if you want to ensure Newcastle win, you're going to have to do a hell of lot of spending. I'd start by bunging their opponents a couple of million... It should do the trick.
Just beware though! The authorities take a very dim view on this kind of action so you might have to bung them a few notes as well. Next!
Date: 11 July 2003
I saw earlier today on the North East Tonigt Programme, the feature of What's On. I was unable to see everything about it or get the address to send information to. There is a school in my local area who are holding an event in order to raise money to aid their bid for sports college status. Could you please send me some information so I can suggest that the school write to you with the full details of their event and application.
Yes, sure, whatever. I'll get onto Tyne Tees and get you all the information you need. Only one snag. My charge. It's £1,000.99. Cheques made payable to Andrew Bowden if you don't mind...
Date: 5 September 2003
How do I send pictures through for your weather competition?
I have a weather competition? Well that's a new one on me, but you've asked me about it, so I suppose I should. Send your pictures to The Drain, London Sewers (beneath McDonalds), London. Don't forget to send a self addressed envelope if you want the picture back, and the best will be shown on my wall. Where no one can see them.
Date: 16 September 2003
I live in the East Anglia Region and have rec'd a call from my sister in Darlington advising she had seen a broadcast from your channel. The broadcast content was regarding ex-miners and a trust fund. I wonder if you could advise me of the contact telephone number of the ad. Looking forward to your response.
I have a TV channel? Oh yes, I forgot. Sorry, silly me! Well I'm sorry. I'm simply far too busy compiling the schedule to worry about your pesky trust fund. Now let's see... 9pm Men in Tights, 10pm The Grindleford Massacre... and maybe 11pm... Hot action from Burger King. That should do it.
Date: 23 October 2003
Are you going to put 'men in tights' back on? I had put it on to record, and have lost the last 10-15 minutes. Many friends have rung saying they had the same problem.
Nah, but I might put some tights on myself. Maybe some fishnets. Or American Tan. Whaddya think?
Date: 24 October 2003
A Charity was mentioned on TV regarding young adults i think Bob Johnson mentioned it could you give me more info Please
Ah yes. I know the one. It's Alcoholics Anonymous isn't it?
Date: 12 November 2003
Me wife's on me back, where's the bl---- calender, Uncle Bob keeps gannin on about it, but where is it.
Have you tried behind the back of the sofa? When you can't find something, it's almost always there.
Date: 13 December 2003
Thought you might be interested in a story about my Dad who is nearly 82, living in sheltered accommodation, who broke his arm in January (which still hasn't healed) getting through to the snooker final of a local social club?
You're right. That's fascinating. Do tell me more. Did he win? Did he break his other arm? Did he have a few pints to celebrate? You could turn this into a book - it's that good. Hey, I think it's even possible that someone might want to do a film of his life, I really do.
And that really is it. For now anyway. Keep those emails coming in!