Letters to the Editor: April 2004

Posted on 4 April 2004 in Planet Bods (No comments)

The letters to Planet Bods keep pouring on in! And we keep answering them Oh yes!

Date: 3 January 2004

i am trying to find how to find a piece of fottage from 1984 how would i do so could u e mail me with information please it was taken at barnerd castle at green lane school of children singing tooth brush crazy many thanks glen

There's just some phrases that send a shiver down my spine, and you've got two of them there - notably "children singing" and "tooth brush crazy". It just gives me an enormous sense of forboding, and to be honest, there is no way on earth I am going to help you unleash this monstrosity on anyone - even if it's just your friends! They have the right not to have their will to live so cruely taken away from them.

Date: 7 January 2004

please mike neville i think yours great but will you wear a trendy blue shirt with matching silk tie you will look oh so sexy

Mike... be affraid. Be very affraid...

Date: 16 January 2004

We would like to invite you to the launch of Castle Morpeth & Wansbeck Walkers "Walk Your Way To Health". The launch will take place at Woodhorn Grange on Friday 23rd January at 11 a.m. and will include a short health walk around the lake.

Sounds like a rivetting day. Sadly I had to have a filling done so couldn't make it, but I did walk round a puddle near the tube station and thought of you!

Date: 20 January 2004

Could you please point me in the right directions.

I understand you have a website that help or adivice people who are receiving bogus parking tickets.

Please email me with the relevant details. If not sorry to have bothered you.


Ah yes. It's over there next to the odd cartoons of a tree smoking a pipe. How could you miss it?

Date: 26 January 2004

Wind Chill at our school average of -5. Peaked at -14 several times today.

Really? I didn't know you could measure the rate of farts! You learn something new every day don't you?

Date: 6 February January 2004

When are we southerners going to see the CHARLES EVANS programs down here we have never seen any of his show. I run a large Art group and we all want to see him on our local box. I have been requested to ask you to put them on for us and many more of us waiting to see them

Nah. Can't be arsed. But if you go to Sainsburys, you can find a box there. Ask in the grocery department. Banana boxes are the best.

Date: 3 March 2004

I would like to know why, in the year 2004 when sending a man to the moon is easy-as-pie, a mains gas supply cannot be provided for residents of Grangemoor Road in Widdrington Station and all of the residents of neighbouring Stobswood. Previous attempts have failed, including attempts from our county councillor. It is very frustrating for me as I was originally going to install oil fired central heating but on the advice from a neighbour changed to calor gas as it was hoped that mains gas would be arriving within 12 months. That was 2 years ago and it is no further forward. More annoying is the fact that the rest of the village is supplied by mains gas, the nearest main being a few yards down the road. I know that there is very little that you can do, but highlighting the problem may get some people to sit up and take notice.

Well indeed! So consider it highlighted. This is an important issue, and rest assured, I will not stop until Grangemoor Road in Widdrington Station has its gas supply. Transco had better watch out cos I'm on the case! I'll be travelling up to Widdrington Station to see the situation for myself and will be personally lobbying parliment and maybe even your MEP to get you that gas!

This is an important issue, and I really do urge everyone reading this page to get in touch with Transco - to get in touch with your MP. Let's make this happen people!

Date: 5 February 2004

We would like to wish our Mam Iris a very Happy Birthday for the 11th February. Hope you have a lovely day, lots of love from your daughter Christine, son-in-law David,Lisa Laura, great-grandaughter Kyla, daughters Anne and Moira and all the family and the grandchildren.xx Hope you can please read this request out on Sunday as my mam listens every week to your Sunday requests. Many thanks.

Dargh! I read it out on Monday. What an idiot I am.

Date: 6 February 2004

Ive recently bought and old property in Whickham. Ive been wrestling with the refurbishment ever since.

I know absolutly nothing about gardening and so the likely hood is that without a minor miracle, we could be looking at a lot of concrete and cheap looking pots thrown together in no particular fashion.

A while back I sawe one of your programmes called the "whole nine yards" where a messiah like character helps people like me to turn their back yards into somewhere that you wouldnt be embarrassed to show your mates.

Id be very interested to get the help of this programme and sort out my back yard.

Please can you let me know if the series will run again - and if there is any chance I can be involved ??

Well I've been looking through the 'list of programmes Bods has made' (two volume set now available from Amazon) and I can't find that one at all. I couldn't even think up a show like that. Not even in my dreams. Not even in my wildest dreams. Not even when I fart.

Date: 11 February 2004

I am researching the use of evidence-based policy and practice in equal opportunities. Could you give me the name, number, address and email address of the head of human resources? This name will be put on a database only used by myself. In the future I intend to send questionnaires to be completed by the individual concerned to provide data for my PhD project. Any help would be very much appreciated.

Ah yes. The head of Human Resources is Ura P Rat, and her address is 12b Muppet Tower, Thickoville. She'll be happy to take your calls.

Date: 20 February 2004

rubbish. you are all rubbish

Ah good. A satisfied customer. We should have them stuffed.

And that really is it. For now anyway. Keep those emails coming in, and don't forget there's more of this rubbish that is Letters to the Editor!

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