I'm not entirely sure I'm playing this at the right speed...

The John Peel Sweet Eating Game was written in 2000 - inspired by the legendary John Peel.

Sadly John died on 26 October 2004 and the radio airwaves of the UK won't ever be the same again. But in tribute to him, this game remains - because lots of it sums up why I - like many - loved listening to his much of what I loved about John's shows.

Throughout his time on the air waves, there was something about John that made him stand out from the rest of the DJs in the UK - the polish of his show! The amazingly slickness! No other DJ put this much effort in and yet made their show sound half as professional as Mr Peel!

And that's wonderfulness that this page celebrates, for Planet Bods presents, the John Peel Sweet Eating Game.

How to Play

To play you will need:

• A copy a John Peel show - preferably from Radio 1. His World Service shows were too short to work in this game.
• A whole stack of sweets of your choosing
• A copy of these rules
• People to play the game with (its not as much fun by yourself!
• A bucket (for many reasons)
• A variable speed tape deck (so you can play things at the wrong speed)

The Rules

The rules are simple - have a sweet whenever one of the following occurs:

1. John plays a record at the wrong speed
2. John plays a record that "Starts a bit quietly"
3. John starts mumbling something incomprehensible to a member of his family or his producer.
4. John reads out a request for a record, then proclaims that he doesn't have the record with him and instead, hopes that the listener will like the track that he's about to play instead. Eat two sweets if the track is completely different to the one requested.
5. John reads out a request for a record, then proclaims that he's just popped out to his garage to get a copy then plays it (for shows broadcast from Peel Acres only)
6. John reads out a request for a record, then proclaims that he's just popped out to his garage to get a copy then plays it at the wrong speed.
7. John moans about someone messing up his microphone settings.
8. John plays a record then proclaims that he doesn't know the name of the band, the name of the song or anything else at all about the record.
9. John plays a totally obscure record that is only available from about one shop in the whole wide world.
10. John plays a totally obscure record that is only available from about one shop in the whole wide world and by writing to the band at a house in Colchester
11. John plays a totally obscure record that is only available from about one shop in the whole wide world, and its in Oslo.
12. John plays a band who he liked when he lived in America.
13. John plays a Fall record.
14. John plays a track by someone famous.
15. John plays a track by someone famous AND it is in the Top 40 that week.
16. John plays a track by the band Fuck, and attempts to say the band name casually in an attempt to make it sound like he's not actually swearing.
17. John plays a loud, noisy, three second long record that go BLUAARGH then ends abruptly.
18. Your mum walks in and says "What's this dreadful noise?"
19. Your mum walks in and says "What's this dreadful noise? It sounds like my tinnitus!"
20. The end of a record surprises him.
21. John's show ends abruptly and is replaced by the emergency DAT tape.
22. John's show ends abruptly and is replaced by the emergency DAT tape and an All Saints record plays instead.

Carry out these rules to the letter and you'll probably need to go to hospital to have your stomach pumped by half an hour into the show, as well as needing to goto the dentist for a fair few fillings. Those who want to play this game with alcohol should be advised that they too will need stomach pumps, mainly as they'll get drunk and start having cravings for kebabs. John Peel didn't recomend that you try it with alcohol, and nor do we. This game could be lethal...

This page was inspired by an email sent by Catherine Redfern to the John Peel, noting a distinct lack of loud, noisey, three second long records that go BLUAARGH then end abruptly, and of course by the mighty John Peel who is no doubt one of the best presenters Radio One ever had, and ever will.

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