Around about eleven moths ago, I got 'conned' into writing an article for Hydra. In fact, I ended up writing three. One of them was the first ever instalment of Rant 'n' Rave.
Rant 'n' Rave is my way of getting stuff off my chest. The first one was about that ridiculous program 'How Do They Do That' and the second asked why men always got deodorant for presents. Following those articles, Des Lynham no longer presents that TV show (though it still hasn't been axed, which would be preferable) and I got no deodorant for my birthday (cause for celebration!)
Less has happened following the second two. Alas, pop bands still wear ridiculous outfits on Top Of The Pops, and Euro dance outfits are still doing terrible covers of classic songs (that version of American Pie is unbelievably bad.) Even worse, people are still buying these covers.
This R'n'R isn't about that. It's me ranting about something completely different. It's me ranting about why I do it.
So why do I write all this garbage? Well, although you get the privilege of reading it, I don't actually do all this for you. I actually do it for me. You see, the best R'n'Rs have been floating around in my head for months, and if I hadn't have written them down and got them out of my system, they'd still be floating around in there. In fact, I first imagined my article about deodorants as a stand up comedy routine.
R'n'R has been a way to empty my head of these weird thoughts, that seem to want to take over, and plop into my thoughts at various points, when they feel like it.
Alas, my days on the Hydra committee are ending, and, although I aim to still contribute some articles right up until Easter, after that, R'n'R will have to be laid to rest. A rather daunting thought, for somebody who, whenever he's board, just comes up with some new article. Yes folks, I don't write this rubbish for some obligation to pad out the mag, I actually enjoy doing it. And after Easter, I will no longer have a vent to unleash my hot air out of.
Yes, Rant 'n' Rave will be buried away, alongside my A Level Chemistry, and some rather old sweet wrappers.
No more will I be able to moan to an audience. Alas, any mumblings I may have, will have to be confined into the depths of my journal.
It would be nice to write this trash for a living, but how many magazines do you know with a subject variety like Hydra's? Comment and reviews can be found in the Big Issue, but no sarcasm. Perhaps in the commercial world, Private Eye would be my only resort, but lets face facts, folks! Private Eye's editor (Ian Hislop) is seriously not as funny as Paul Merton on 'Have I Got News For You!' Perhaps Women's Weekly want somebody...
This article is nothing more than an explanation of why I wrote what I did. And indeed it's still true to this day.
It was published just as our year in college were about to relinquish control of the magazine to the year below, and I think it was supposed to be a sort of 'finale' whilst I got on with more important things like exams.
As it happened, there was to be a sixth article later...