Congratulation, they said! You're the new celebrity Sports Editor. Oh, great was my response. Slight problem. I hate, loathe and indeed despise Sport.
That doesn't matter, came the reply. All you've got to do is think of some rubbish to bung on the title page.
So here ït is. My obligatory page of waffle that no body really wants to read. And this page wïll probably end its days in the bin anyway, as at the time of writing, there isn't a sïngle sports story in the magazine. That's commitment from our Sports correspondents, isn't it?
However, I can assure you that there will be a Sports section. You can take me down Ashton and photograph me in bra, suspenders and a short minï skirt, just before being beaten up by some large, drunk yob, for being a "Poofter" if I am lying to you.
So this is it. That is my obligatory page of non-sequential madness. I think it is time for me to emigrate to the pub where I belong. But before I leave, due to not having enough material to fill this page fully, I will take a leaf out of Bods's book and end by having a go at Ruth.
Egg Robinson Sports Editor and the one who never gets credited on the back page. Moan moan.
Oldham Athletic were last night accused of actually having a football player in their squad. Oldham team member Sean McCarthy was described as being "Quite a good player" by one sports commentator.
Oldham, naturally embarrassed by the accusation declined to comment, though one insider said the team were distraught. One thing is for sure. Nothing will ever be the same again.
Reported by a sensationalist-Sun type newspaper journalist with nothing better to do
Hydra sports editor Egg Robinson was last night accused of creating a false sports story in a bid to fill his section of the popular student magazine, Hydra.
Robinson was accused of making up a story involving Oldham Athletic star Sean McCarthy, who was accused in the article of actually being a football player by correspondent Robinson.
Robinson was apparantly forced to make this shock news story after finding out that his section had no sports stories to report on. This would have meant that Robinson would have been forced into going down Ashton dressed in a red mini-skirt, bra and suspenders, and to have a photograph taken of him, just before being beaten up by a drunken yob for being a "Poofter"
Mr Robinson was unavailable to comment following the false story accusations, though he is said to be extremely embarrassed according to close sources.
One friend said "Egg is very upset about the issue. He doesn't like the idea of getting beaten up. He regularly wears bras and suspenders, and he has a little red mini skirt which he loves dearly. By the way, where's that money you said you'd give me if I said this rubbish about my good mate, honest guv..."
Hydra editors Ruth Lee and Catherine Redfern said that they were ashamed of Mr Robison because of his actions. "We are ashamed of Mr Robison because of his actions," they said.
One thing is guaranteed though. Mr Robinson is most unlikely to remain sports editor.
This is sensationalist-Sun type journlist, signing off.
I seem to recall that we tried to get some college sports coverage in the magazine but no one ever wrote any so we gave up.
All of which lead me onto writing these three pieces which follow on from each other - quite why it lead me to this, I'm not sure...
Egg Robinson was a pseudonym I'd used for a number of reviews in an edition before - in a pitiful attempt to make it look like I'd written less than I had. His elevation to Sports Editor was... short lived.