"If everyone in college wrote me a letter, I'd have a bloomin' big bag of mail!" said Bods as the doctor gave him his sedative.
I recently hurt my leg at college and have a plaster cast from my ankle to my groin. And I keep getting an itch under my cast which I can't scratch, even with a knitting needle. What can I do? Please help me.
I thought you with your experience in such matters may be able to help me. I can't wait to find out what your answer is. I'll be reading Hydra.
By the way, my friends and I want to know if the other letters are made up or not. (What's wrong with the sheep in Mossley?) Please say they are because they make my problems look microscopic!
Mike, via a fax machine!
Intriguing this one. It came through on the fax machine and I was certainly puzzled when I was told I had a fax.
Perhaps more intriguing was the fax cover sheet, which read as follows:
"Please dirct[sic] to Andrew Bowden form 1L. I am unable to deliver the leter[sic] because I am unable to waik[sic] due to my leg. And it has to there by tomorow[sic]."
And they complain that there isn't enough emphasis on spelling in schools. Someone give me the evidence please!
Anyway, with response to question one: don't hurt your leg in the first place. I would also like to state that I have had no experience in such matters. Also, if you like Mossley's sheep, then that's up to you. Personally I'll stick to partners who are the same species if it's all the same.
Have NUS [National Union of Sudents] cards gone up since last year?
Yes, they have gone up fifty whole pence! An increase of 50%! Blatant exploitation. Someone call a public enquiry! Get Esther Ransen and a BBC camera crew to film it all! This is a major issue...
I would like to congratulate Jacko on getting a credit in the last issue when he didn't actually do anything. That takes some beating.
Paul Stewrad, Gee Cross
I put your comment to Jacko and this is what he said:
"I am rather pleased with my lack of effort in the last issue and hope to better this reputation with less effort in the next issue."
Taz also got a credit for not doing anything but his bits are normally short so nobody would have missed them anyway.
Get an email address. It would suit you.
The Killer B, Swansea
To have an email address we'd need internet access. Are you going to pay for the modem and phone line?
I think we need a new bike shed. What should I do?
John Dunlop, Hyde
Build it yourself. I'll lend you a hammer.
I am in desperate need of some help. The problem is that since I began dating my present boyfriend, everywhere I go I receive pitying looks from people who come over to me and say things like "Never mind" and "Don't worry, it won't last".
To these people I would like to say, thank you very much but I happen to be very fond of the winging, spineless insomniac, even if he does have a mental age of four.
Please could you advise me as to how I should react? Should I dump the rather sad boy or should I ignore the opinion of the nation?
Does this look like a bloomin' problem page? The only one with problems is supposed to be me. Don't you know anything?
Why oh why oh why does nobody believe that all the letters on these pages are genuine? Please tell me.
Because they are all sceptics. But if you want to check that these letters are genuine, send one and watch me print it.
I think people would take your letters page more seriously if the letters were of a more serious nature instead of this ramshackle charade of 'funny' letters. People just don't think they are real.
James Hornett, Crowhill
Unfortunately we can't regulate the number of letters we get, nor what the letters are about. We promise to publish all the letters, as long as they are not libellous or may cause offence to other readers.
If people want to write more 'comical' letters, who are we to stop them?
- I am a woman.
- I read Hydra.
- I only read the bits by Ruth.
- And the bits about Jacko.
- I don't like deep sea diving.
- You must be doing something right.
Sally Womad, Broadbottom
Is sex overated?
Jasmine Allen, London
Compared to Royal Mail keyrings, I'd say how should I know?
Over the last few issues, I have noticed some changes to Hydra. Most of them are for the better. The magazine is getting better by the issue. Keep up the good work.
S Gubbidge, Woodley
Thanks. It's great to see people who appreciate all the hard work we go to. And watch out for more changes as Hydra enters the new term with one hell of a bang! Keep reading!
I don't care what anybody says. The red doors look brilliant.
Anthony Talbot, Godley
We are all entitled to our opinions. Except you.