And now, programmes for conservative viewers
Early in 2007, Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre launched a scathing attack on the BBC
Not holding back his punches, he accused it of "a kind of cultural Marxism", that it was harming political debate, that it was left wing, and damaging the nation.
He boldly proclaimed:
What really disturbs me is that the BBC in every corpus of its corporate body is against conservatism with a small 'c'. Which, I would argue, just happen to be the values held by millions of Britons thus it exercises a kind of cultural Marxism where it tries to undermine that conservative society by turning those values on their head.
Damming words indeed. Little wonder then that some in the corporation decided to act quickly, and sought a whole new schedule aimed at keeping "conservative" viewers (well, okay, the Daily Mail) happy.
Sadly the left-wing-commi-pinko-liberals that run the BBC put a halt to the plans, however the crack team of Planet Bods investigative journalists found themselves with a leaked copy of the proposed schedule, and can exclusively reveal what we've missed...
- Fox Hunting File - The weeks blood sports in review
- Love Thy Neighbour - The hit 1970s sitcom gets a hilarious remake when the illegal immigrant Reynolds family move back in next door...
- It's Political Correctness Gone Mad! - Nicky Campbell and Lorne Spice on the latest lunatic decisions from across the UK. Includes "Loony Left" watch - keeping track of the insane Labour councils which are banning Christmas and Easter.
- Abu Hamza: The Musical - Following on from the screening of the controversial and down-right disgraceful Jerry Springer: The Opera, the BBC launches it's "Well they claimed that we'd never offend Muslims!" season. The centrepiece, Abu Hamza: The Musical, comes hot to the TV screens following its award winning two day run at the Knotsbridge Arts Centre. It's followed by "Muhammad and Me" - new cartoon fun with the prophet, staring Ruby Wax in the lead role.
- Single Mothers - New documentary series where Kate Silverton goes undercover to meet the teenagers who get pregnant just to get a council flat.
- Panorama special - How Illegal Immigrants Are Stealing Your Jobs - Jeremy Vine investigates.
- The Omar of Dudley - New comedy. There's outrage with the church of St Barnaby the Bear when a new Omar comes to town.
- Family Values Hunt - David Dickinson and the team trawl through the divorce courts for single mums to lampoon.
- String 'em Up - The court is in session and viewers can press the red button to decide which left wing liberals get hanged, and which are spared. Tonight's liberals include Andrew Gilligan.
- Diananight - A daily update on the latest news relating to Diana, Princess of Wales. (More for the Daily Express readers really, showing just how out of touch the lefty-commie-scum of the BBC management are)
- Foreigners do the Funniest Things - Hidden camera fun as attempts are made to remove three failed asylum seekers from the country.
- Bill O'Reilly Interviews... George Bush - Probing interview with the glorious leader of the free world. All hail his infallible majesty.
- Doctor Who - The Doctor meets up with Captain Jack, and promptly reports to the police for kissing him in front of innocent children who must be protected at all costs.
All that, wrapped up with the wholesome, balanced reporting of Fox News broadcast overnight. Sounds great!
In 2004 I saw a comment on a message board that was basically going on about BBC One's idents of the time (the dance themed ones) being political correctness gone mad, and that they didn't represent Britain. The poster proclaimed boldly that something more appropriate would be "scenes of RAF jets flying over Brussels, or pictures of Prince Charles gardening at Highgrove."
The idea of filmed footage of old Charlie stroking a petunia tenderly just before EastEnders, is one that still makes me want to burst out laughing. And it's something that always springs instantly to mind when the "Political Correctness Police" of Daily Mail readers, have a go at the BBC.
So when Paul Dacre launched his tirade against the national broadcaster, I couldn't help but try and see things from his point of view. This is what you get...
And if this is your idea of top class TV programming, then I'm not sure you're really in the right country...
This was first published on the Transdiffusion MediaBlog on 23 January 2007.